Yet another new weekly segment from everyone‚Äôs favorite new blog!¬† Every Friday we are going to do our own personal ‘Top 5′ of, well, whatever we want!¬† Any suggestions? Let us know!
In light of what seems to have been quite the slow news week, a few gems of a story came across the Associated Press news wire.¬† Numerous stories came out that shouldn’t even be classified as breaking news, or even worth mentioning.¬† Some stories are just too funny to not be posted, and we get that. Be that as it may, we over at Conversation have taken the liberty to remind everyone one more time the consequences of a boring week in a world with a 24 hour news cycle.
Top 5 Funny/Unbelievable News Stories of the Week
5. Government Contractors in Washington Spend Week Mapping Radioactive Rabbit Feces
Label this in the ‘I shit you not’ section of the news wire.¬† Not that the story isn’t serious, but come on!¬† The government spent $300,000 in Federal Stimulus money to fly helicopters over¬†a 13.7 square mile radius in Hanford, Washington that is inhabited by wild rabbits.¬† The area that once produced almost two-thirds of the nation’s plutonium is now home to wild animals dropping radioactive feces, and it‚Äôs our country’s job to clean it up! Rabbits were not the only critter contaminated by the nuclear residue. Mice and badgers also picked it up, and coyotes feed on the contaminated smaller animals, creating an almost radioactive ‘circle of life’.¬† The helicopters used onboard computers using GPS technology to record each location so workers could return later to scoop up the droppings for disposal as low-level radioactive waste. Happy hunting boys!
4. Bernard Madoff Holds His Own in a Prison Fight
Can anyone keep Bernie Madoff down?¬† The mastermind behind the most lucrative Ponzi scheme ever has now become top dog in his local penitentiary.¬† Apparently, he and another inmate were arguing about the stock market when the discussion escalated into shouts. Madoff’s unnamed assailant shoved him and Madoff shoved back, knocking the man down. According to eyewitness reports, “as the attacker tried to stand up straight, Madoff hovered over him red-faced and glaring.”¬† This guy is just extremely lucky for messing with Madoff inside prison walls with guards, did anyone see how Madoff used to push the reporters constantly staking him down the streets of Manhattan? This guy should either be in solitary confinement or fighting for the Prison’s ‘Golden Gloves’, he already has experience walking into hostile venues with an entourage around him.
3. Drunk 21 Year-Old Steals Ambulance
Just from the title, maybe you want to cut this guy some slack. You’re thinking ‘Maybe there was a dire emergency and he needed the ambulance to drive a dying relative or friend to the hospital, and the paramedics were no where to be seen.’ You’d be wrong.
Police in the Kansas college town of Lawrence say the ambulance crew parked their vehicle early Sunday while responding to an actual emergency in an area filled with bars and specialty shops.¬† The man was intoxicated, and believing he had no other way home, he stole the ambulance. He led police on a brief low-speed chase and was arrested.
We’ve all been in this situation before. Drunk with no ride home. But to steal an ambulance? Just walk, call a buddy, or at least steal something less conspicuous!
2.Train Drags Half Naked Mooner Along Tracks
I see London. I see France.¬† I see you and your underwear being dragged half a mile down train tracks.
The 22-year-old journalism student shoved his backside against the window of a low-slung double-decker train when staff forced him off¬† for traveling without a ticket. Somehow, the man got caught, leaving him dangling by his the pants.¬† The man got pulled along for about 200 meters, all the while managing to keep his legs away from the wheels of the train.He escaped with a cuts, scrapes, and one bruised ego.
Unless you were living completely seperated from the entire world yesterday, this story needs no explanation, but the proportion to which mainstream media blew this one away is just another happy reminder that I chose advertising, not journalism(thanks train mooner!) as a career choice.¬† Keep that 24 hour news cycle going boys!