What’s up? This is Frank Riolo and I want to welcome you to my home on this installment of Convo Cribs.
You know, some people think it’s lame when you still live at home. They tell you it’s time to grow up or to leave the nest. I’m here to tell you that it’s not that bad. This place is pretty hot. Check it out…
Security – this is my vicious guard cat, Lisa (as in “Simpson”). Lisa is 11 years old and roughly 264 pounds. Don’t let this kitty catch you sneaking around outside my pad. She’ll tear you limb from limb, believe dat!
Let’s head upstairs first. This is my room. Ohhhh yea. Nothing like being frozen in time in a 12-year-old’s room. Those of you who know me well enough will notice my model trains behind me. Don’t act like you’re not jealous you don’t have a sick collection like that. Also, see the perennially dirty laundry slung over my armchair.
Ladies love a twin sized bed. Don’t let them lie to you. There’s nothing like getting 2.5 hours of sleep because you keep elbowing each other. Come and get it, ladies!
This is my roommate, Galileo. He’s a Russian Tortoise and I’m told he will outlive me (tortoises live very long, apparently). Fun fact, tortoises don’t understand the concept of glass. This really stinks, especially when he keeps walking into the side of his terrarium at 3am.
Back downstairs to the best room in the house: the kitchen. Now, I’m not saying I know how to cook, but I looooove to eat. For cooking, I have my own personal chef…
I call her “mom.”
On to the living quarters. Like that 52”? Surround sound too? I thought so. You gotta see this baby in action when my mom puts “Antiques Roadshow” on. It will blow your mind.
This is where I make beautiful music. Been playing since I was 7-years-old. So sit down and enjoy “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” and “Chopsticks”!
The Throne. This is where I gather all my deepest thoughts and come up with my most brilliant ideas…and play around with my iPhone.
Pool anyone? I haven’t touched this thing for years and, to be honest, really forgot it existed. But let’s pretend that I just OWNED YOU, cause that’s what I’d do!
I’d like to introduce you to Papa Riolo…
Juuuuuuust kidding. Still, isn’t the resemblance uncanny? I’m not talking about him and me. I’m talking about him and Homer Simpson…
My romantic life has never been better either. Who says parents cramp your style? I mean, sure, I don’t get as much privacy with the ladies as I would like, but you have to make sacrifices when you live in a sick crib like I do.
There you have it – my sweet life. You’re welcome for being allowed into my home. Peace out, Convo Cribs…seriously, get out of here before my parents realize I broke into the liquor cabinet.